Friday, January 4, 2013

True colors

It's been way too long. I got an email that a friend of a friend who was concerned because I hadn't posted recently. I'm A ok despite some personal issues unrelated to my health. Back by popular demand, Tales of a Tattoo Mom continues.

The last chemo treatment was infused on Christmas Eve. It didn't matter to be there on a holiday. I just wanted it done. The nurse had no luck with my left arm and because it was my last chemo and I didn't have nodes removed, she put it in a vein in my right hand. The left arm is toasted from the injections. I looked like a junkie, all bruised with veins creeping away from the skin. They were done and so was I.

Santa really came to our house this year. The kids loved their presents. Thank you all. We really only had a few things from hard sales bought. You made it great! Bless you, Santa's!!

I was so excited New Years to start my new 'normal' life. Of course something happened right after Christmas that put an axe in my heart. I'm moving on from it, although I have some anger every now and then. I'm hurt. Why me? Blah blah blah. But I'm better than that crap, which I won't be airing so you'll never know. It's classic though. Real classy too.

I'm moving on because there is a lot of great things about my life. Despite having cancer, having to stop nursing my baby,
losing my breasts, getting an infection, losing an expander, losing my hair, and being sick and in pain from chemo all of the time, I love my life. My kids are fantastic. My friends and family members have been supportive. Strangers have stepped out of the wood work. Because of the village of helpers, here we are. We didn't lose everything even though I couldn't work. Wow, right?! I'm still in shock.

While there has been a huge outreach, more than I could ever imagine, there's a flip side to that. Where I thought I might have more support or even asked for support from specific people, there has been utter disappointment. Through the crisis, people have shown their true colors to me. A veil has lifted. With that being said, I'm sad about that. However life must go on.

My new 'normal' is happening now. I'm stoked that I'm working two days a week. That seems reasonable to me. I still need to heal and take care of myself and my kids. This aggressive chemo has wracked some havoc on my body. I'm continuing to take supplements and trying to get back on the healthful eating track. Now that I feel good, it's not foods job to do. It's my own. Exercise here we come. Balancing everything is my goal.

There are two more reconstruction surgeries left until I can feel completely "normal" again. The left expander must be put back in. I met with another surgeon who will be taking over the recon job. Then I'll be pumped up to desired size via saline injections to a size bigger, and then swapped out for permanent implants. Then I'm officially done. Until then, I'm counting my blessings..