So far so good

My new doo is courtesy of Martino Cartier at his salon in Washington Township, NJ. His charity is called Friends are by your side. He offers free services, hair cuts, wigs, extensions, to people undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. You might recognize him from the show, Tabitha's Salon Takeover. It was fun to get my hair chopped off. I let him so whatever he wanted. It was a good experience, and I'm grateful to have found this charity during this tough time.

Long hair equates beauty in our society. To my surprise I didn't worry too much about getting my hair cut. I feel cute.

Actually I don't worry much about anything anymore. I'm a new me. Nothing is worth worrying over these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not numb I just don't find things worth getting myself sick over like I used to. I used to worry about this and that. I see people complaining about things on their facebook status or hear them whining, and I really want to say something to help them. I want to say.... "SHUT UP! (in the nicest way) You are fine. Don't waste your time and energy complaining about silly, little things. Don't sweat the small stuff, for real."

Stress is a major factor in your health. I can attest to this. I used to worry all the time. I held things in and stewed over them. Not anymore. If you catch yourself doing this, please stop. Everyone has problems, but you can't obsess over them. Just try to solve them and know that you're working towards correcting a situation instead of dwelling on the problem itself. Don't forget stress trumps all. If you stress it doesn't matter how much you exercise, eat well, pray, or take supplements. All of those other things are important too, though. Teach your kids this too.

So far so good with the side effects. My secret weapon is working thus far - diet, supplements, Iscador injections, EFT, praying, affirmations and of course no stressing (as much as possible). I worked a little this weekend. I tried to do more than I should have, but then I stopped myself. I have to remember that instead of planning too much. I still worry a little, though. It's a difficult habit to break, but I'm trying. That is how I got here in the first place so I must remember. It's time to focus on my well being and not every one else first. That has been the most difficult task at hand. Now is the time to truly keep the balance in life.

Mastitis again!!!

Well I can't sleep so I might as well update on what's up over here. I have an infection in my left "breast". I brought in a sample to my Dr since I didn't think it looked right. It was cloudy and brownish. She took the tubes out, and a huge gush of fluid came out. It was nasty, and I'd already started a slight fever in the morning before the removal. By the end of the day, I was in misery. I can truly relate to that Stephen King movie after this surgery.

It's been hellish, yet I can find happiness in the little things like my children cuddling me or filing at me, laughing with me, etc. Thanks you to all of you who helped me this week with everything. To all of you who can't be here and want to help, please donate to our fundraiser, make a meal, or gift us with a Wholefoods gift certificate. Here's the link, You can even buy a cool necklace on there to help support my battle and join our tribe.

We're hoping I can work in the fall, but we need help. We're trying to find assistance through charities, but we've found the assistance isn't very much if you get approved. I want to start a local charity when this is over to benefit local people to get a good sum of money to pay their bills, rent, food and not just one utility bill once a year. I hate to complain, but I just hope the money that people that donate to charities actually know that their money goes towards helping people and not the people at the to of the charities. There's so much corruption especially in the larger charities, the CEO's driving extremely fancy cars and making 6 figures. I will post info on that later. It's driving my blood pressure up. My advice is give to where you know your money will be used to it's best advantage like someone you actually know or do you research. I'm pretty sure non profit's have to post what their top exec's make, and it's staggering.

I'm hoping to keep the pain and anxiety under control so that I might heal. I'm now on a z pack to help with the infection. Please pray that it works. I can't start chemo until I'm fully healed. I've been using aromatherapy, Rescue Remedy, breathing exercises, meditation usually from guided ones on Youtube.com, supplements, and drugs. I'm going to keep on top of it so I can live a calm existence to promote healing.

If any of my female friends can get away at night to watch a movie or something, that would be great. Or even during the day. Just saying... I have so many Dr appt's, but only one this week so far. Company is my best medicine. I feel pretty lonely at times. My MIL is working hard to take care of the kids and the house and hubby works so I have a lot of time by myself.

The Dr I'm seeing Monday uses nutrition and supplements to help kill cancer and help with the side effects of chemo. I'm so happy to meet someone and speak with them instead of just reading books and watching documentaries on what I should consume. Although I must be doing something right since I lost 20 lbs since June 6, 2012, my diagnosis date.

The stress is the main thing I need to get under control because I've been told that all other efforts are negated if you're under too much stress. Over and out...

F#ck cancer

This is the first picture of me without my breasts. They served me well for 34 years. They were multi-purposeful. They had an adventurous fulfilling life.

In my youngers years, they seemed to attract the eyes of people so much that they would shift stares from my eyes to my breast repeatedly. In middle school, annoying hormonal boys would taunt me because I had a well endowed chest. Then were pierced at age 17 illegally.
In my early twenties they saw many a nude beach in the Virgin Islands. They were drawn by aspiring figure artists to help pay for my own figure drawing group dues. They were artfully photographed, framed, and displayed in an art show in Portland, ME.
In my mid twenties, they were tattooed with Oni Japanses masks. The clothed, tattooed breasts were in featured in many tattoo magazines
to model the beautiful artwork.
Then in my thirties, they were used to feed my babies. They fed those babies well. Lactation was one things those breasts were great at. But the cancer grew in the right one, and I opted to take them both together for symmetry purpose and less of a chance for growing the cancer in the other side. They would go together like Thelma and Louise.

Thelma: Let's keep goin'!
Louise: What d'you mean?
Thelma: Go. [nods ahead of them]
Louise: You sure?
Thelma: Yeah.

The fight

So yeah... There's still a breast cancer in my body, and I'm fighting it. I was actually accused of NOT fighting the other night. Not fighting huh?! You think I want to be Vegan?! You call sitting and waiting at Dr's offices, injecting my self with radioactive dyes, spending my weeks researching, reading books on cancer, calling Dr's back, waiting for test results, praying every night, visualizing pac man's eating the cancer in my body any free second I get, getting hypnotized, and signing bilateral mastectomy consent papers NOT fighting? If it isn't, please tell me what fighting is.... Do I need a cancer t shirt or bracelet to prove that I'm fighting? I think not.

Watch out what you say. Please be gentle. I'm hurting inside and out. Please have compassion for me. I'm fragile.

The surgery is scheduled for July 12. I demanded that they make this appt the day after I met with the surgeon. I've tried to move it up because I want to get this show on the road. I want to get this done as soon as possible so that I can get chemotherapy and most likely lose my amazingly, beautiful, thick, shiny hair and possibly get sores in my mouth. Then maybe I'll get radiation therapy because the tumor is about or over 5 cm, but they won't know that until I'm under the knife and my breast tissue is removed during an 8 hour procedure. I don't have the gene, but I'm opting to get both done for symmetry reasons and moreso to lessen the chance of recurrence in the other breast. I'll have to be in the hospital 3 - 4 days away from my 6 month old and 4 year old. As an attached parenting practitioner that in itself is heart wrenching, but I must remember that this is for the better in the long run.

And all of that isn't fighting? I'm certainly not doing this for fun or a hobby. I want to live. I want to live and be healthy for my kids. They make me tick. Well that and tattooing. And you guys... All of you true supporters are truly inspiring and give me hope. The people that are selfless. The people that have supported me and helped me through this journey thus far.

You know who you are. You are truly helping me selflessly on MY terms. I'm eternally grateful for all that you do. The women who pump when they HATE it, but do it because they want to help feed Joslyn human milk because that's what I wanted. The women who are couriers and pick up the milk and bring it to me or other peoples' freezers for storing. To the ladies who bake lactational cookies and send them in the mail to complete strangers in order to boost their milk supply so they can pump additional milk because they're not lactating yet they want to help. To those of you coming to my house and watching my kids or driving them around to where they need to go. To the kind people who have cooked for us using our pain in the ass dietary requirements and bringing us delicious and nutritious food to eat. Thank you to the those of you who are really listening to me when I want to vent about what being diagnosed with cancer makes me feel and give me words of encouragement when it's needed. People who have sent me prayer cards or books to help give me insight in this crazy new life that I've been catapulted into. Folks that have donated their hard earned money as to help our family financially so that I might not have to stress after surgery or during treatment when and if I can't work because my family depends on my income to sustain this household. THANK YOU ALL.

It's odd how cancer can make you so grateful.

You all know that I'm fighting. I have a passion for life. However many ups or downs, I'm enjoying my time here. Especially now. I cherish every moment with my children through the cries and laughter and maybe not so much through the whining and tantrums. And through the tattoos - the big ones and small ones. I really do love people. I love to laugh and even crying. I love living. Help me live. Join my fight.

Sentinel node biopsy

Today we had the sentinel node biopsy. The preliminary test came back negative for cancer in the lymph nodes, but we're awaiting the full testing results in 7 days. The preliminary test is 98% accurate, though. Fingers, toes, arms, arms, and legs crossed.
It feels like I got knifed in the armpit. Therefore I'm glad it's the weekend do I get a break from tests and docs do that I can recover from the minor surgery.
Next week is more testing and meeting more docs. They found another questionable area in my other breast via MRI so that means I need an ultrasound and possibly a biopsy done with local anesthesia. I meet with another oncologist and a plastic surgeon. So I'll be running around like a chicken with its head cut off again.

This face helps me through this. (and my son's face too)